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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about city life, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest assisting her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with another. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the nuances, posting them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can get us: an opening. I understand not all people likes being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal videographer, but friends support one another in small ways. My assumption was filming a short video now and then would be fun for her. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it’s about sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She needs to respect her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everyone. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some real experiences, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their bond?